Thoughts on Perception During a Pandemic

If my dog could talk, I’m sure he’d tell you his life is currently at an all time high. I’m home all the time so when he needs a midday head scratch, he simply shoves his noggin onto my lap and his need is immediately met. The only negative impact to his day to day life is when my high energy eight year old “hugs” him with an elbow drop from the top rope. I’m sure this confuses him, but even that doesn’t seem to bother him too much. Since he’s still shy of three years old, an impromptu romp session with my boy is a welcome treat. When he tries to instigate one with me, I make him lay down until he gets bored and forgets that he was ready for action. 

Us humans on the other hand, our lives have been turned upside down. We’ve been sheltering in place for well over a month. I’ve been providing my child with a substantially worse version of education than he’s used to for about the same time period. An experience that will continue for the rest of the school year. The number of human beings that I’ve spoken to, face to face, since shelter in place started can easily be counted on one hand. My kid, my kid’s mom, my neighbor across the hall and the occasional person at the park who wants to talk about my dog playing fetch. 

The days within the walls of my apartment feel long as school assignments stretch beyond the teacher’s estimated time to completion. Frustrations mount. Tempers flare.

“Do you understand the instructions?” I ask. 

“Yes,” he responds. 

Five or so minutes pass. 

“How’s it going?” I check in.

“I don’t know what this says.”

“What part?”

“All of it.” 

“What? I asked if you understood and you said yes!” Admittedly, in a tone that is likely unhelpful. 

“Don’t yell at me!” He yells at me. 

“I’m not yelling!” I’m likely yelling. 

Lather. Rinse. Repeat. This is the wash cycle of the day. It’s what I’ve come to expect every morning before we get started. There will be moments where my frustration runs so hot I daydream of going back in time and making a different decision about becoming a parent. I’ve had discussions with the boy’s mom and friends where I admit that if I had all the facts, there’s no way I’d have chosen this for myself. But, those moments pass and you realize the kid didn’t ask to be here. You made that decision for him, so you better find a way to help him keep all his plates spinning. 

We live in a place where people seem to be following the rules and according to the reported number of cases, it’s working. Within that same news cycle you see scenes of protestors willing to risk their health and that of their neighbors as they resist what is likely to be a new normal. A lifetime of skepticism aimed at the government makes it easy to rebel against science based guidance. Fear that jobs won’t come back. Social events permanently altered. It’s hard to blame people struggling to grasp the long term plan, when so many of us have been conditioned to tackle problems on a bi-weeky basis, pay-check to pay-check. 

If you’re open to the science, then you’re aware that our altered reality isn’t changing anytime soon. Governors of some states may open things back up, but until there’s a reliable vaccine, physical contact will carry a level of risk that we’ll have to reconcile. Some of us will follow guidelines, like sheltering in place, that restrict our own lives but have proven to be better for all of us as a whole. Others will continue to buck against the system, preferring their lives the way they used to be. I can empathize with their frustration, but I won’t pretend it justifies their selfish behavior. 

Sometimes, being an adult simply means doing the right thing, instead of the easy one. This is one of those times. Instead of clinging to an existence that is familiar, we may need to embrace the discomfort of our new normal. Within that personal discomfort lies an undeniable transference of hope and caring for our neighbors and community. Some of us will sacrifice more than others. The hardships experienced won’t be distributed equally. That’s not fair and I realize my own level of privilege in making that statement but this isn’t a commentary on resource allocation. Who has it, who needs it, or how it's being distributed. Empathy, compassion and unity are resources we all have and can contribute to this fight. 

There was a meme in the first couple weeks that made the rounds. The gist was that during WW2, Americans all banned together to win the war and that if we just sat on our couches, we could do the same. It was easy to share that meme and feel like we were doing our part when we thought the timeline was a couple weeks. If a vaccine takes four years, are you still willing to sit on your couch? The perception of that ask feels different, but it's fundamentally the same. The requirements didn’t change, just the timeline.

A fundamental tenet of Buddhism is to embrace suffering as an integral part of life. You don’t need to be Buddhist to survive the coronavirus and certainly nobody is expecting you to thrive. The sooner we all embrace that our old ways of life are no longer acceptable and the new version might just suck a little in comparison, the better off we are as a whole going forward. I certainly include myself in that statement.. You don’t have to ignore the hardships or be gleefully ignorant like my dog to survive. Each of us is in charge of how we respond. Our previous frameworks, big and small are quickly proving insufficient. It’s going to suck while we all figure out what works in our brave new world. Our willingness to accept that discomfort, work through those processes and be open to change can make all the difference. I’d be willing to hypothesize that the folks coming out the other side of this thing, whenever that might be, with the highest levels of satisfaction, are those currently willing to lean into the struggle rather than stubbornly clinging to the past. 

I’m going to try and lean in. There will be moments of self pity and annoyance and frustration. But with any luck, we can figure out what a new normal looks like, even if that includes some pain points we never see go away. The trick just might be choosing to perceive those as solutions, instead of problems.